Biggest Fear of 2012: Will Yoko Ono Break Up the Flaming Lips?

Cross my fingers, hold my breath and hope my mouth is holding just the right way, for luck. We in the “new” OKC can’t be the cause of our own boys Wayne Coyne and the Flaming Lips being broke up by the New Year’s Eve appearance of Yoko Ono and the Plastic Ono Band (featuring Sean Lennon). We are a big league city now, so don’t bring your bad mojo to Bricktown on Opening Night!

Let us be known for tornados, fires, drought and earthquakes, but not for having the Lipsters being broke up by the bleeping banshee of screaming, no-talent moon-doggies. Some say she was sent by the CIA just to infiltrate the Beatles and create a bumper car effect of egos bouncing and colliding in the Apple Records studio. John would do anything just to get her high-pitched screeching to shut up.

Please, please let Opening Night be a success of world-felt ramifications such as the Chihuly glass exhibition at the Oklahoma City Art Museum or a little rumba with the Thunda, or even the greatest weather for New Year’s Eve in God (Gary England) knows when. If you see a bunch of drunks wandering around Bricktown at 2:30 or 3 a.m. holding hands, carrying candles, and chanting, “All we are saying… is give the Lips a chance…” we could be in trouble.

I hope they make Yoko eat a Del Rancho chicken fry sandwich supreme and wear a plastic cowboy hat, because she’s never been properly punished for breaking up the Beatles. Maybe the TSA will give her a rough go of it, but most of them are more pop music people. All I can hope for is that she’s forced to wear a goofy, stupid New Year’s hat and made to eat a Taco Bell burrito.

All I can say is this — you have your bucket list, and I have mine.

Happy New Year 2012!

Travel Is Bliss

…because everybody wants to do it!

As we have conversations with others, the subject of travel is bound to come up. Humans like to think about and pontificate about the wondrous joys of travel – seeing exotic places, visiting the spot we’ve read about or seen on TV and in movies.

We spin marvelous yarns to each other about how wonderful “that place” is, compared to others. Beautiful sights, scrumptious foods and breathtaking sights, all just for adventurous lust and massive blow to our wallets. But let’s be honest – it also includes lots of hassles, annoyances, and things that just simply defy all logic.

Ladies, gentlemen and sports fans, it doesn’t matter if you have a room in Motel 6 or an upgraded suite in a St. Louis, San Diego or Boston with a grand 5-star restaurant that’s won whoopee-do-dah awards in four languages – if your toilet don’t work, you’re in a world of hurt. Your pleasurable getaway room has now become equivalent to the employee breakroom at your local sewer plant (without a restroom and having to drive to Circle K).

What makes this scenario even worse is when “Engineering” (the closest he ever came to engineering was his model train) has to make two visits to fix it. On his first visit, he claimed it was fixed, but a logical test (I pushed the handle down) revealed that his departure was way, way premature.

The second visit was none other than the guy I guess they call “The Cloginator” who was quick, profound, and left no prisoners. So if you think every child should go to college, then I will assume you’ve never had this hotel room saga of dammed-up drama.

Then on your journey home, when you arrive at the airport, what will greet you is the Starbucks shop that is out of coffee. You think that’s odd – odd, indeed – until you stroll down to the Dunkin Donut shop that sells NO DONUTS. That’s right, it’s Dunkin Donuts, but they have bagels, a breakfast flatbread sandwich, and a ham sandwich – and that’s it. No donuts, rolls, muffins, or cupcakes. Did I mention they have NO DONUTS? What’s the deal?

Oh, well, you can wait until you arrive into the Kansas City airport. But to go to the restroom, buy anything in their shops, or get something to eat you only have to walk out of your gate. Oops! They then make you go BACK THROUGH SECURITY. What bozo designed that albatross? Get a candy bar – back through security. Get a magazine – back through security. Use the bathroom – back through security.

So when you see one of those polls about friendly cities, most likely Kansas City won’t make the cut. Being paranoid about every single airplane passenger and their Snickers bar doesn’t exactly say, “Howdy, we are rolling out the red carpet for you, buddy!”

In summary, remember that a short cab ride is only because the driver couldn’t figure out a longer way.

My Fourth of July Rant

Our country is changing, and I don’t believe it’s for the better.

NBC, one of the cornerstones of the major networks, had a patriotic tribute during the US Open golf tournament of grade-school children reciting the Pledge of Allegiance and other moving videos. Some PC cub cadet decided to eliminate the line of “one nation under God.”

The network apologized because of the avalanche of calls, e-mails and rants, but spent most of their time trying to point out that the “under God” part was added in 1954. Oh, so that makes a huge difference — that we actually acknowledge we’ve been blessed by God for the hundreds of years before and the 57 years since?

This dimwit probably was bombarded by this sort of thinking in his college days at our illustrious foundations spewing that America has always been a bully and a terrible country.

Weiner, Weiner, Chicken Deiner

Congressman Anthony Weiner, despite his claim to the contrary, has gone against his oath of office. Not only that, he has decreased his integrity equity to zero — that’s right, a big fat ZERO. Why is this, you ask? Let me explain.

His haphazard choice of doing and saying things with a perfect stranger over the Internet is totally irresponsible behavior, and you’d go bonkers over safety if your children or teens did this. As with anything over the Internet, you NEVER know if the person on the other end is whom you think they are. Any of this type of behavior opens the person up to compromise or blackmail. This compromising situation is counter to his oath.

With all that being said, the most alarming thing is the example he shows our young people. This moronic behavior is so pathetic! A Congressman should be a shining example of public service service and private character, which should be exemplary.

We need to demand this of these people or pressure them to resign, where it would be automatic that they would resign. No questions about the gray area or their song-and-dance around their ineptitude and disgusting deeds.

The biggest joke is when one of the politicians says, “I’m taking full responsibility for this.” What does that mean? Nothing, not a doggone thing, unless they RESIGN. They’ve compromised their office, embarrassed their family and themselves, let down their constituents and caused a waste of valuable resources.

Make the bums resign!!!

Maybe a Job-Maker by the Cospereno!!!

The end of an era, plus a great career in Oklahoma broadcast history – Mr. Bob Barry Sr. has retired from the broadcast of University of Oklahoma football and men’s basketball on the radio.

I was lucky enough to be interviewed during the half-time of an OU men’s basketball game by Mr. Barry. This was such a great thrill, as I’ve been a fan of his my whole life. He made sure that I was comfortable, showing once again he was such a pro.

His retirement brought lots of names being thrown out as the replacement – real candidates, never-gonna-be’s and way-out-in-left-fielders. There are four or five current football radio people doing games in other states – this doesn’t seem to fit OU’s style or M.O. The Sooner fans are a real fickle bunch.

Other contenders are:

• the current OU baseball announcer
• Mark Rodgers, former KOCO sports guy and current Hudiburg car huckster
• Bernie, Barney, or whatever – the voice of the Varnum Whippets
• Jim Trabor, a legend in his Superdome-sized ego
• Scott Hines (“In Your Corner”), to handle the players’ assorted “problems” (shoplifting, DUI, fighting, or boneheaded tweeting)
• various and sundry others too numerous to mention

I’m sure many hours were spent pondering, sifting, whittling and straining the candidates and ne’er-do-wells which will never have a chance to be part of Sooner lore.

I don’t know this for a fact, but I have heard the rumor that one of the only people that both Bob Barry Sr. and the new guy have both interviewed so as to have a real-life comparison to use was none other than yours truly, Glen Ray Cosper.

That’s right – at half-time in two basketball games last year – one women’s and one men’s – I was interviewed by Mr. Sooner Microphone (BB Sr.) and the heir to the booth, Mr. Toby Rowland.

In my humble opinion, both very great gentlemen know their craft and put the interviewees at ease. They have a great sense of humor and are very personable to everyone.

Good-bye, Bob and good luck, Toby – with a little luck, we’ll meet again.

Dummies to Donuts, Fuel for the Few

A guy just went to the CD Warehouse, robbed them for all their money and a David Allan Coe CD because he said he’s a redneck. They were able to capture his picture but “NEVER EVEN CALLED HIM BY HIS NAME.” If he was smarter, then he’d be stealing pre-paid gas cards. These would be the “New Gold Standard.”

I’m surprised that we don’t have numerous 911 calls to pick people up at the pump. I can see when people fill their car up that the sudden shock of the total could explode blood vessels, cause strokes, hasten heart attacks and cause GSS (gallon shock syndrome). Mortgage companies or banks may start popping up at service stations or gas outlets to facilitate mortgage refinance or home equity loans to enable people to completely fill up their tank with gasoline. But you couldn’t roll Big Gulps or Snickers bars into these loan deals.

Our streets soon may be filled with the copper thieves diversifying their crime corporations to include a siphoning hose and fleet of empty plastic milk jugs for gas distribution on the yellow market. Remember, if somebody offers you a gallon of “Larry’s Lawnmower Fuel”, it could be hot stuff (pun intended). If the Braum’s container may be a clue, then the old antifreeze container is a real good indicator.

Krispy Kreme donuts are a fuel for humans, but the price doesn’t go up and down much (just your weight). The basic need is always there, but people will always go in and out of style. Just smile and eat your donut!

Is Education What They See, or What We Try to Teach Them?

Our children and students are not stupid, dumb or wrought with viewing our actions as “over their head.” Let’s look at some current items in the news that are setting the bar for them to emulate:

Board of Education

Our Oklahoma State Board of Education recently had the first meeting with the newly elected superintendent, Janet Barresi. It turned into  a disrespectful version of a Jerry Springer-type circus. This Board and Department requires me as a School Board member to complete training to run and complete legal, civil and functional School Board meetings.

The OK State Board committed open meeting violations, broke Federal employment laws, and took illegal votes – all on that one day. While doing this, they were rude, insensitive, unprofessional, and they violated the oath they swore to upon being seated on the Board.

Lost School Days

After all the recent bad weather of ice, snow and frigid temperatures, school districts had to determine a way to make up lost school days. Students, parents and community people DO realize that sticking a few minutes of extension on a school day REALLY doesn’t take the place of four, five or six REAL WHOLE DAYS of class time, unless your class time is in fact a poor product. Is that what you’re telling us?

To end a school year without making up days is a joke! The message this sends is that the teachers’ union doesn’t want to have to really work the proper days, parents don’t want to change vacation days, and schools don’t want to change testing and graduation procedures.

Wisconsin Protesters

Protesters at the Wisconsin State Capitol give us two pathetic examples:

• Elected Democrat legislators took an oath when elected to do their job. Traveling out of state and holing up in a hotel and bar, so as not to be in their seat doing their sworn job is pretty despicable.
• Teachers were protesting for days by lying about being sick instead of teaching in their classroom. A real doctor sat at the protest, giving teachers “sick slips” to hand into work. Ethically, shouldn’t the doctor and the teachers be fired?

Found Money

A man found $4,000 cash that somebody dropped along the way. He immediately took this money to the closest police station and turned it in for recovery. After finding the distressed owner, the police connected these two gentlemen, and the finder refused any reward. He stated, “It had to be the right thing to do – never a doubt in my mind.” This is an example of education that I want my kids and grandchildren to follow.

How about you? We are what THEY see!!!

Christmas 2010: It’s not like it used to be

What a challenge this year to pick out the perfect “gift card” for that special person on your list. How personal is that!? Amazon is coming out with software to negate a gift from somebody before you ever get it. This (malware Nazi) will stop the gift from somebody to you and let you change it to something YOU want before it ships. Just don’t get confused in the “thank you” process, or it might be embarrassing.

I went in search of divinity candy and it was not at the likely places. Woody Candy Company (none), Ingrid’s Kitchen (nada), Sweet Dreams (nary a bite), Russell Stover (sold out), and Sweet Treats (no such luck). Just what’s the deal with this? Come on, people – it’s a classic!

My next yuletide memory to share is picking out a package for my wife at J.C. Penney’s catalog desk. I waited patiently (in this man’s humble opinion), only to get a young man to ask for my Penney’s charge card, photo ID, telephone number, order identification number, and my RFV number (whatever that is). I then “splained” to him, “Why would I be picking anything up for ANYBODY ELSE’S wife in this total tsunami of chaos?” He promptly got my package!!

I just saw an ad for “pajama jeans” on TV and thought it was the perfect sleepover pairing. Isn’t there like a Betty Crocker of sewing that could’ve just cranked these out by the bazillions? We’ve had to wait 40 or 50 years for the obvious. Cable TV that goes 24/7 will soon take care of everything civilization must have missed for a million years.

Happy New Year 2011, and remember there’s only 363 days until Christmas!

Trump, Chump or Jump

Football coaches come and go — some by their own choice, while others are run out of town on a rail. This said, a strange but interesting alliance of friendship has emerged.

Donald Trump, the Trump Man, is strongly advocating that the University of Miami hire the Big Buccaneer himself, Mike Leach. Bigger-than-life characters, swagger-meisters and unique gamesmanship are the attractions between these two! I bet if “The Donald” flips out the checkbook, those Miami people may decide that a new stadium with a comb-over top would be a fitting donation.

If the Trumpster would just think a minute, then he would figure out that a new reality show for ESPN could be “The Apprentice: Football Coach” where 16 coaches vie through a few weeks of competition to be “The Apprentice Football Coach” after challenges like recruiting, gathering booster books, faking academic achievements, or yelling curse words at people the loudest. Mr. Trump will yell, “You’re fired!” until the last one wins.

The Great Thanksgiving Challenge

Cowboy Glen

I would like to personally challenge you this Thanksgiving season to thank someone important to YOU. If they have impacted your life, then my challenge is for you to do one of the following:

• Personally visit them
• Call them
• Write them a personal note
• Send them a Thanksgiving card
• Take them a little gift

Take the time to do this and you will impact a life that may need their spirits raised – or maybe yours need it more than theirs.