OK, He Said It – “Fish or Eat Bait…”

Having been thrown in the circumstance of the helpless wait one day, it gave me a chance to reflect on one of my favorite subjects – food (mostly eating out kind of food). I’m a child of the 1950s and ’60s from a blue collar family with “Depression era roots” (in which a huge bunch of uncles and aunts had to scramble among themselves to grab their share of the vittles).

My dad was a meat & potatoes guy, and my mom was only a little more adventurous. She would sneak us to El Charrito for an Explorer or Defeat (much more glamorous than asking if you wanted a #1 or #2). My dad was not on board for the delicacies his younger brother, my Uncle J.B., explored.

My uncle gave me my first taste of pizza – I’m talking Sussy’s pizza with gooey cheese, pepperoni, sausage, and mushrooms. Not that slick piece of cardboard frozen pizza like at the drive-in movie, but REAL PIZZA.

He also went to the Chinese restaurant, and wow! that was some mighty tasty grub. I went anyway, in spite of the chance they might spike my food and hook me on opium. I would then be an outcast, living in an opium den down on Skid Row, where even the winos would look down on me.

My luck really changed for the better when my mom’s brother remarried a gal from Louisiana. We visited, and her mom could cook Cajun like nobody’s business. Who cares what we were eating – this stuff was great! Gumbo, etouffee, jambalaya, spicy cornbread, and hush puppies. The only question was, “When are we coming back?”

This pre-dates my first job as a teen, but after I started making money, I wanted to go spend it out exploring different places around OKC to eat, and the foods, flavors, and choices that existed. Even to this day, that is my quest, and traveling only fuels this flame, like rum on a Bananas Foster.

My challenge to you is to go find things to eat that you don’t like or won’t eat again – because if you do that with vigor and an adventurous spirit, you will find a whole heck of a lot that you DO like and are glad you tried it.

Remember, there’s a cupcake under all that frosting!!!

March 19, 2017 at 9:24 pm Leave a comment

What If a March Turned Into a Parade?

My word, Mildred – people are forming a march on something every five minutes anymore! Cable news and social media are all cranking out, shouting out, tweeting, and blah-blah-blah for every nutball that thinks they have a cause. People just show up to picket, prance around, talk out loud (instead of just going out and doing karaoke) about onion breath opinions or repeat stuff that some guy nicknamed “AstroBoy” thought up in his room in a converted attic at Uncle Fred’s house.

I’ll admit that over the years, protests over civil rights (not a police event where you don’t know all the facts), water problems, or historic buildings being destroyed, have a worthwhile purpose. BUT… just showing up for every lame “cliché” rallying point means that you are getting a little exercise, but no points are made with anyone.

Now, if a bunch of people show up at the same place and same time, but with a mish-mosh of different causes, then it technically just turns into a parade. A pretty lame parade, too, with nobody riding horses wearing cowboy outfits, no old guys in classic cars in Shriner hats, no local beauty queens, no political candidate floats – and, last but not least, no little cars with clowns.

Ya gotta have the clowns to be worth your salt…..

March 1, 2017 at 11:53 pm Leave a comment

It’s a Small World After All…

Just got back from Disneyworld, and things are different there. No fussing (well, maybe if they can’t buy a toy or a Mickey Mouse-shaped ice cream) or fighting (just over who gets to ride and not stay with the little tykes that can’t go on that one… there is a height law, you know).

If you’ve never been, you need to know that you are given a colored wristband with super powers to charge anything and everything to your credit card. This little wrist bauble will get you into your hotel room, provide nourishment, snacks, rides, shows, clothing, souvenirs, and mosquito spray. Alligators are never mentioned, but alligator spray probably doesn’t work.

You have numerous odd characters roaming among you – some in elaborate costumes, and others in very odd garb put together by people who have no sense of style, no taste, no self-respect, and families that allow themselves to be seen with them. Tattoos (not that there is anything wrong with them) have got to be one of the booming industries of the 21st century. Tats are numerous, and some are quite confusing as to what in the Sam Hill they are, mean, or portray. These hieroglyphics of our time will be very confusing to the people of the future. Not markings such as “Mother” or “Harley Davidson”, but just stuff off a matchbook cover or a picture of Guy Fieri, and numerous ex-wives’ names.

The many Disney and movie characters are there for you to have your pictures taken with, but some children don’t want to be anywhere close to these bigger-than-life icons. Disney has it down pat on keeping the illusion going – the cartoon characters all have “handlers” with them every step of the way (I think it’s crowd control, but mainly to get that costume off and on to go tinkle), and serve as the “bad guy” in blowing off kids along the trek.

Were there weird things, or such as you might think peculiar? One that comes to mind was the offering of a  BBQ bacon cheeseburger with a side of green beans. This is so wrong, in so many ways. The distinct soda racist regime of having NO Dr. Pepper on any of the Disney properties (parks or resorts). I can almost see the classic Coke/Pepsi battle of the enemy colas, but good grief! Don’t make us brave Dr. Pepper withdrawals while trying to have the “time of our life.”

This world of Disney brings out the empathy in almost anyone when feeling the humidity and temperature of Florida, but see the poor workers having to wear hot outfits just to portray the venue of assignment – bus, train, ferry, monorail, excursion boat, or train – providing all your transportation needs from place to place. I just threw my arms up a couple of times and took a $9 cab ride for the seven of us. Best money ever spent, and I would double down next time.

This return trip was 30 years after my original visit. Same places mostly, but some improvements and updates. Disney Hollywood is pretty neat, but I have a great respect for “classic movies” and the nostalgia of the movie allure. I must always remember that time does not stand still, but we must cherish the past to do honor to the future. No matter how long it’s been or when we go, I will forever be a believer in the magic of Disney, because it’s always reflected in the eyes of a child.

October 4, 2016 at 8:35 pm Leave a comment

You Can Win the Lottery!

I’ve seen online ads, infomercials, and books on how to win the lottery. It must be easy – why else would they share this super-secret info with just anybody? Some people who, as the old saying goes, “have more money than sense” should be disqualified from winning, like the homely redneck from Alabama who married a stripper that took his hear and now-bulging wallet.

So raise your right hand and swear that, if you should win, you would be a level-headed, tight-fisted, kind-hearted winner, so help you Mother Teresa!!

Now, I will tell you how to pick your lottery numbers.

  • First number – How many are in a baker’s dozen? (13)
  • Second number – Sherlock Holmes’ address? (221B Baker Street)
  • Third number – The number of counties in Oklahoma? (77)
  • Fourth number – The number of people who were ever in the Beatles? (5 – Pete Best)
  • Fifth number – The number of penpals you had in the 7th grade? (0-10)

Now for the most important number – the Powerball. This either dictates if you win, or how much it multiplies your winnings. Not to be too chauvinistic, but there’s only true way to pick this – only ONE way will absolutely assure you to win: What was Mickey Mantle’s number? Seven – lucky number 7 has been a choice for centuries.

Now that I’ve given you the perfect formula to win the lottery, the ball’s in your court.

Oh, by the way – more lottery winners come from people just randomly buying tickets rather than picking numbers. About 82% are random picks, but don’t let that stop you from picking your numbers. After all, your chance of winning either way is about 237 billion to one.

Good luck, and remember – if you need a back-up plan, the numbers on your fortune cookie slip of paper do nicely… but you’ll feel like picking another set of numbers in a couple of hours.

PS: Tips are expected…..

August 11, 2016 at 9:17 pm Leave a comment

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